Are you a boy or girl?

What is that on your face?

It’s a lip ring

Like on your mommy’s ear.

When I bind my tits

I have great posture,

An amazing boy silhouette

Or else just heartburn

And discomfort.

How is this better than a corset?

There are people,

For me,

For whom

Place and sobriety

Matter very little

To not at all.

I wish I could do pushups like you.

Apollo is so pretty.

You should bend him over.

Then let’s get a beer.

I could dance like that

If I was a teen dynamo.

Why didn’t anybody ever invest

In me like that?

I hate my parents.

And all teachers.

En Francais

S’il tu plait.

Well if

Tu plait,

I guess I must.

I don’t have a farm.

I don’t know what they eat.

I don’t know how to ride.

I hate responsibility.

I will name it Vanilla Sparkle Cupcake.

Man, it doesn’t get worse than that!

You are not safe within your tall tree house.

The zombies will climb up on

Their little green friends

And eat the brains right out of your head.

Don’t you wish you had a shotgun?

And a moat!

Left to my own devices,

I can make a decent smoothie.

Can toast a piece of bread,

Open a bottle of wine,

And decide the correct hour.

When the power is out,

I can hide in the corner

And cower with a baseball bat.

Hole up in your place.

Don’t leave.

Help will come soon.

Don’t run.

Take cover.

Arm yourself.

Have an excellent escape plan.